A Compassionate Guide to Manage Social Media During Separation

It’s no secret to Florida residents that our state has the highest population of residents over 65. With such a large percentage of our community at or beyond the age of retirement, the growing trend towards ‘Gray Divorce’ is affecting millennials writes Mary W. Quigley, in a recent AARP article. The post cites marriages ‘coming to an end’ rather than failing. One important issue brought up is the difficulty children have remaining neutral. There are some helpful links throughout the article including What Nobody Tells You About Being the Child of Divorce. We would second the notion that healthy boundaries and open communication are key to moving forward.

A How-To Guide To Surviving Infidelity

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Susan Heitler put together a list of 22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity. It’s a great resource for opening lines of communication with a spouse. These steps are positive no matter the outcome of the discussion regarding infidelity. It’s a touchy subject, of course, but the list contains specifics and nuances beyond the typical “Do It Yourself” marriage/communication guides found in most articles. It’s rational and detailed enough to be of use for hurtful moments other than infidelity as well.

Is The 5 Second Rule Really a Thing?

Out final article on our link roundup ends on a lighter note. Many of us remember a sibling or school buddy teaching us the 5 Second Rule. Drop that Pop-Tart on the floor? No problem, just pick it up right away and off to the school bus you go! A study by Ashton University in the UK proves the five second rule is real. The study suggests that “time is a significant factor” in the transfer of bacteria. One interesting note is that carpet is less likely to transfer to food that is dropped and consumed in a short period of time As Professor Anthony Hilton states: “We have found evidence that transfer from indoor flooring surfaces is incredibly poor with carpet actually posing the lowest risk of bacterial transfer onto dropped food.” So go ahead and pickup that popcorn or pretzel you drop during your next Netflix binge, just do it quickly.

For couples who have tried to work out their relationship, but have decided that a divorce is the best way to proceed, they will find that there are several pieces of evidence that can be used against them once they go to court. Did you know that text messages are considered admissible evidence? This means that if one party loses his or her temper and texts the other party, the text messages may be used as evidence in court. In many cases, especially when children are involved, text messages can affect the final decision made by the Judge regarding time-sharing (custody), alimony, distribution of assets and debts, etc.

When you are going through a divorce, you must be aware of what you put in a text or email, as well as what you say to the other party in person or over the telephone. For this reason, we have a few tips to help you in making sure you do not put something in a text that can be used against you later in court. These tips also apply after you are divorced. The main goal of these tips is to keep you from impulsively saying something to your ex or soon to be ex that can come back and hurt you later.

4 Tips to Text your Soon to be Ex-Spouse

1. Always take the time to think about what you are texting, never send a text while you are feeling angry, hurt or frustrated. If this means stepping away from your phone for an hour or two to get your emotions under control, then do so.
2. If your ex is texting you rude, hateful, or nasty comments, be sure to keep the texts saved in your phone, and do not respond in a rude, hateful or nasty way. Do not engage in a back and forth argument via text message!
3. It is best to limit your texts with your ex to information about children, dates that need to be remembered and the like. There are some couples who text freely, but in these cases, the divorce is most often amicable and there are no emotional issues.
4. It is not only your texts to your ex that can be used against you in court, but any text that you send to anyone. Thus, avoid texting anything about your soon to be ex to anyone and basically keep the subject off limits.

Controlling your Emotions

Many lawyers recommend that clients simply stop texting the other party entirely and even that they stop posting to social media in general. If you are going to text, or put things out there on social media, make sure you are not saying anything that you would not want the Judge to see in court. Keeping your emotions under control is a must. While one of the above tips was to walk away and stop texting if you feel that your anger and emotions are getting out of hand, we have a few more in-depth tips that can help.

1. Try breathing exercises. Slowly count to 10 and be sure that you are taking deep breaths to help calm yourself while you are counting.
2. Take a moment to listen to a song that soothes you. You will be amazed at how well soothing music can calm emotions.
3. Take a walk and leave your phone at home. Physical exercise has been shown to be great when it comes to helping to release anger in a normal and healthy manner.
4. Go to your ‘happy place’ when you start to feel angry. This may mean sitting in your living room and imagining yourself sitting on the beach or even floating in the pool. Either way, allow this happy place to make you feel less angry.

For those who are going through a divorce, we want you to realize that your texts could become one of the main ways your soon to be ex gains the upper hand. Here at Norman Law, we advise our clients against texting their exes, unless they are positive that they can keep their calm. Divorce is not something to take lightly, but if it is unavoidable, then be sure you are taking actions to ensure you are getting a fair divorce.

A divorce does not mean you are never going to see your ex again or will never be at the same events as your ex. In most cases, you will find that your ex and you run have the same circle of friends, have many interests and hobbies in common, and may have children together, too, so it is common to be at the events together. This can be difficult. Many ex-spouses are not sure how to handle being with their ex in a small, emotional ceremony such as a graduation or wedding. Should you avoid your ex? Should you talk to him or her? How much should you talk? Should you sit together? It is very common to feel a bit anxious and nervous about how to act in these situations.

4 Do’s for Attending an Event with your Ex

There are several things you should do in order to ensure that things go smoothly and as comfortably for all involved as possible. For example:

1. Have some light conversation topics and ideas that you can discuss with your ex to avoid any awkward silences or more emotional topics.
2. Be ready for questions about your divorce from other guests at the event who may not be aware of the separation or divorce.
3. If you are going to an event for a son or daughter, it is best if you sit together as a show of unified support for your child.
4. Engage in conversation with others so that you are not forced to talk with your ex if you are uncomfortable with this.

4 Don’ts for Attending an Event with your Ex

There are several things you should avoid doing at an event your ex is also attending. For example:

1. Do not drink too much while at these celebrations as you do not want to do something that you are going to regret. Wedding receptions often include alcohol as part of the celebration process. A drink or two at the party might help relieve some tension, but more could lead to unwanted emotions and outbursts.
2. Never start an argument with the ex. This means you must avoid any discussions you know are likely to upset or anger him or her. Keep things light and focus on the event and the celebration of the happy occasion.
3. Avoid being on your phone. This might seem counter-intuitive, but the temptation to remove yourself ‘mentally’ from the event might lead to feelings of alienation and trigger an argument.
4. Do not be surprised if your ex has someone special with them at the event, such as a new boyfriend/girlfriend. It is important to prepare yourself for this in advance so you do not react emotionally or cause a scene.

No matter how hard you try to avoid your ex, it is very likely that you will find yourself at the same events in the future, particularly if you have a child or children together. It is important that you keep your cool and do your part to make the event go as smoothly as possible. You do not want to take the spotlight away from the wedding or graduation being celebrated due to arguments, conflicts and anger towards an ex.

When parents are sharing custody of their child, it can make the holidays feel even more hectic. Timesharing during the holidays can be very stressful, and not just for the parents – often the stress and tension the parents feel is transferred to the children. This is why it is important to remember that the holidays should be about the children. Parents should do whatever is necessary to ensure that their children are not feeling the stress that has come from the parents no longer being together.
With this being said, there are several things you can do to ensure that everyone has a good holiday:
Make sure you have an agreed-upon schedule in place before the holidays. In most cases, the Court will have a recommended schedule for you to follow. Both parents should be following the schedule from the Court or agree on one together so that the children get just as much time with both parents and their families as possible.

Have you considered celebrating together? This is something many parents are able to do if their divorce was one in which feelings weren’t hurt, or when enough time has passed to allow both parents to heal. This can make the holidays much better for the children.

Don’t Force Your Kids Choose

Never make the children choose who they want to spend with during the holidays. It is not fair to them to make them choose, and it can cause bad feelings for everyone. Instead, work together to make sure the children get to see both parents equally.

Communication is Key to Scheduling the Holidays

Always check with each other to ensure that your plans with your family do not conflict with their plans. This can be a huge issue during the holidays. Communication between parents is the key.
As a parent, you need to realize that timesharing during the holidays is going to require both parents to compromise. You need to be flexible and realize that neither of you are going to get 100% of the time with the children.

When your kids are with the other parent, instead of feeling depressed and lonely, focus instead on your family and support system. Also, the holidays are stressful and it is important to have a little ‘me time’ whenever you can.

Consider New Traditions to Minimize Stress

Timesharing during the holidays can be complicated and stressful. It is important to understand that some of the traditions you enjoyed before the divorce may not be possible any more. However, you now get to create new traditions with your children and family that you will have for many years to come.

If you have questions related to Child Custody and Timesharing, Contact Jacksonville divorce attorney Wendy Norman at 904.306.9926.

Many couples enter into their marriages with a prenuptial agreement in place. This agreement is meant to serve as protection in the event the marriage does not succeed and there is a divorce. The reasons for having a prenuptial vary from couple to couple. In most situations, the parties have separate assets or achievements in their lives that they want to keep as their own in the event of a divorce. Prenuptial Agreements in Florida are more complex than what most people expect.

Drafting a Prenuptial Agreement

For couples who are ready to get a prenuptial agreement, there are several questions and concerns that are raised. For one, many people are not aware of all the items a prenuptial agreement can address. It is important that both parties understand what a prenuptial agreement is and the function it serves later, in a divorce.

Secondly, the most important question is what assets do you want to specify in the prenuptial agreement to ensure they are protected? This can be a hard question to answer, as each party must agree he or she is okay with the assets the other is wanting to protect. For example, a man may want to protect the house he purchased before marriage. Or a woman who earns more than her spouse-to-be may want to protect the savings she had before the marriage. These are things that need to be addressed in the prenuptial agreement in detail.

Lastly, are you ready to sign a prenuptial agreement? When one of these agreements is prepared, one of the parties may not be on board with having a prenuptial agreement. For many, this is taken as a sign that the marriage is not going to work. There is no right or wrong answer to this question, and sometimes the wedding is postponed to determine if a prenuptial agreement is something both parties are comfortable with signing.

Attacking a Prenuptial Agreement

If divorce does occur, attacking a prenuptial agreement is often the first thing one or both spouses want to do. There are two main ways this can be done. One way is to claim duress. This basically boils down to one spouse claiming he or she was under duress when he or she signed the prenup, thus making it invalid. This may be difficult to prove, depending on the facts and circumstances.

Another way to attack is to claim there was not enough disclosure regarding assets or debts, or other financial matters. This is not as difficult to prove. For example, if one spouse did not reveal certain assets in the agreement even though they did in fact have these assets, the court may refuse to follow or apply the agreement.

Have a Question about a Prenuptial Agreement?

If you are getting ready to get married and want a prenuptial agreement, you should work with an attorney in order to ensure the agreement is properly prepared. By working with an attorney you will greatly lower your chances of having the agreement attacked in the event of a divorce. For those going through a divorce that includes a prenuptial agreement, you will want someone on your side to fight for your needs and wants, and attack the agreement if needed. Wendy Norman has been handing divorce, prenuptial agreements and family law in general for years within Jacksonville, Florida, and she can help you as well. Going through a prenuptial agreement without legal representation is only setting yourself up for failure later.

Going through a divorce can be very difficult. In most cases, both spouses are angry. They are angry the marriage is ending, they want someone to blame, and in many cases they may take this anger out on the other spouse via social media. This is a terrible thing to do, and whatever you post on social media can be used against you at a later date.

Social Media Can Impact Settlement & Custody

Almost everyone has seen posts online, some even by people you associate with, that are derogatory towards the other party in the divorce. It could be one spouse putting the other down and blaming them for the divorce. There have even been instances in which a spouse has threatened physical harm to their soon-to-be ex. These remarks are often made in anger, and in an attempt to convince everyone the other person is the wrong-doer, or to try to ruin the other person’s reputation.

There are three main ways social media can affect your divorce:

• It can affect the settlement of your divorce
• It can affect the custody arrangement in a divorce with children
• There may even be legal ramifications such as jail time

Avoiding the Social Media Black Hole

When a divorce is just starting, most clients are advised to avoid social media at all costs, or to limit the use of social media (including Facebook). It may be easy to follow your soon-to-be ex online and see what he or she is posting, but you should not do it. Chances are, it will only make you angrier, and may affect your judgment. A few other helpful tips for dealing with social media while going through a divorce include:

•Do not post any pictures or comments that could show you as being immature, neglectful towards your children or unfit in general
•Do not flaunt a new boyfriend or girlfriend via these posts, even if you are nearing the end of your divorce
•Ensure that family and friends are not tagging you in posts that are questionable, as this can still be held against you in court

While social media is a great tool for staying in touch with people and also a great form of entertainment, during a divorce it can cause divorce to become more difficult. It can also result in bitterness towards your ex-spouse. For those who are facing a divorce, Wendy Norman has been working in family law, including divorce, for many years in Jacksonville, Florida. As an attorney who has seen the ramifications of social media on divorces, she can best advise you on how to use social media while getting your divorce.

It is that time of year again, back to school. For many parents who share the custody of their child, this can be a time of turmoil. The goal for the new school year for both parents should be to minimize the changes that the child may have now that summer vacation is over. And to keep both parents happy, all custody arrangements should be something that you can both stick to and follow. In the end, it is all about the child or children, and both parents should do whatever they can to make the school year a happy one.

For those parents getting ready for the new school year, here are 4 tips to help manage the time-sharing more easily:

1. Be consistent
This means that you should still follow the regular schedule, with the child spending nights with each parent. If you have a schedule from last school year that worked, then use it again. If not, then stick to the time-sharing schedule the two of you agreed upon in your parenting plan.

2. Communicate with one another
In many situations, parents do not communicate with each other as much as they should. Remember, you are both parents of your child and you are going to have to communicate with each other in order to ensure that the needs of your child are met. With the advancement of technology, you don’t really have to talk, you can email or even text message one another. These can be great ways to let the other parent know that you are picking the child up from their after school program, you are running late, or the like.

3. Open a line of communication with the teacher
Unfortunately, depending on the time-sharing schedule, many times one parent is left out when it comes to what is going on in the classroom on a day-to-day basis. That is why it is important for both parents to be involved and communicate with the teacher. This also means ensuring that the school has both parents’ contact information and that information being sent from the school is going to both parents.

4. Keep track of the money spent for school expenses (clothes, school supplies, lunch money, etc.)
Money can be a huge issue when time-sharing is involved, as the child is going to need money for school on a regular basis in most cases. This is another reason why it is so important for parents to talk to each other, and keep each other informed about these expenses and keep track of who is buying what for the child.

As an experienced divorce attorney in Jacksonville, Florida, Wendy Norman can help parents to figure out what the best method is for children when involved in a time-sharing situation. Whether this means going to court to set a schedule or simply sitting down with one or the other parent, the responsibilities associated with raising a child can be handled.