A Compassionate Guide to Manage Social Media During Separation

One of the changes to the law made by the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act is the elimination of the tax effects of alimony payments as of January 1, 2019. Prior to January 1, 2019, in most cases, alimony is a tax deduction for the payor and is taxable income of the recipient. As of January 1, 2019, however, alimony payments are not deductible by the payor and are not included as income by the recipient. This change is expected to reduce the amount of alimony payments, because it is will reduce the cash flow of both the payor and the recipient. It may also impact child support, which is determined in large part based on the incomes of the parties.

Major Change to Alimony Tax Deduction for 2019

This law will not impact alimony awards in judgments and orders entered prior up to and including December 31, 2018, and the law cannot be used as a basis to modify prior alimony awards. Modifications of awards entered prior to January 1, 2019 will be determined based on the law in effect at the time of the entry of the judgment/order unless the judgment or order specifically states that future modifications of alimony are subject to the tax law at the time the judgment/order was entered.

One thing that is not clear is the impact this law will have on divorces filed on or after January 1, 2019 which involve prenuptial (or postnuptial) agreements entered into prior to January 1, 2019.

For questions related to other Alimony and Spousal Support issues, please contact the divorce law office of Wendy Norman at (904) 306-9926 to schedule a consultation.

A recent Huffpost article discusses How To Divorce Like A Grown-Up (And Co-Parent Like One, Too). There is some good advice about amicable separation and tips along the divorce process that might make it a smoother transition for some couples. My favorite portion reiterates to parents to communicate to their children that the split isn’t their fault and to be sure neither parent uses them as leverage.

Surviving Divorce

In this TEDx Talk, clinical psychologist and Associate Professor of Psychology David Sbarra discusses “Surviving Divorce.” He focuses on three areas and provides unique insight on coping with separation:

• Self-Kindness
• Mindfulness
• Common Humility

Tracking Your Child

The third link I wanted to share discusses Privacy Rights. Namely, GPS tracking to monitor children. As we’ve seen in all aspects of law, technology typically proceeds legal discussion and development. The article touches on the fact that a parent doesn’t need the consent of the child to monitor them via cell phone/GPS tracking software. Apps like Find My Friends allow you to keep track of your child, but he/she knows the app is on his/her phone.

I think we’ll see “informed consent” discussed in greater lengths as this topic proceeds through the court system (and likely will vary by state). It will be interesting to see how this plays into discussions of Parental Rights and Grandparent Rights moving forward. Read the full article here:
Privacy Rights of Children: GPS Tracking For Parents to Monitor Their Children

Happy Holidays From Norman Law

I’d be remiss if I didn’t take the time to thank the rest of my Family Law Team for their hard work and dedication to our practice and our clients. Thank you for all you do and for taking the time to provide our clients the best resources possible. Happy Holidays to our Jacksonville family and friends.

Divorce is a reality that profoundly affects the lives of each family member, children and parents alike. A variety of deeply emotional wounds may be created before, during and after a divorce. During this experience, the emotions and needs of the children should be treated with utmost care. It is a parent’s duty to put their children’s needs before their own and try to find ways to lessen the impact a divorce will have on their children. Parents should focus on making the process as amicable as possible.

Taking Grandchildren on Vacation

Although going through a divorce is without a doubt very draining emotionally, couples can find ways deal with it in a way that is good for them and their children. An example would be taking some time off and spending time away from the children. Grandparents can take the children for vacation in order to distract them from the problems their parents are facing. Grandparents are a good choice because they provide the stability and the reassurance the children need, along with the comfort of family.

Such a break is also very important for the divorcing couple because they can take this time to concentrate on the issues which need to be resolved in the divorce without having to worrying about how things may be affecting their children and trying to shield them from conflicts. With the children being on vacation with grandparents, the divorcing couple can focus on the divorce, given them the time to expedite the divorce proceedings. This will also ensure that the children do not see or hear any arguments or negativity between their parents.

If the grandparents are available and willing, some time away from the divorce is beneficial for both the children and the parents, and it is an option divorcing couples should consider. This will give the parents some time and space to make rational decisions, which will help them and their children through the divorce process with the least amount of emotional impact as possible.

Here is a list of attractions and ideas for simple getaways in North Florida:

• Camping and RV Parks listed via VisitJacksonville.com
• Taking a road trip through North Florida via Travel & Leisure
• A visit to the Natural Springs near North Florida
• Coastal Georgia list of activities and attractions
• If you have a little more travel time, here are 5 Secret Islands off the coast of Florida

It’s no secret to Florida residents that our state has the highest population of residents over 65. With such a large percentage of our community at or beyond the age of retirement, the growing trend towards ‘Gray Divorce’ is affecting millennials writes Mary W. Quigley, in a recent AARP article. The post cites marriages ‘coming to an end’ rather than failing. One important issue brought up is the difficulty children have remaining neutral. There are some helpful links throughout the article including What Nobody Tells You About Being the Child of Divorce. We would second the notion that healthy boundaries and open communication are key to moving forward.

A How-To Guide To Surviving Infidelity

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Susan Heitler put together a list of 22 Ways Couples Can Survive Infidelity. It’s a great resource for opening lines of communication with a spouse. These steps are positive no matter the outcome of the discussion regarding infidelity. It’s a touchy subject, of course, but the list contains specifics and nuances beyond the typical “Do It Yourself” marriage/communication guides found in most articles. It’s rational and detailed enough to be of use for hurtful moments other than infidelity as well.

Is The 5 Second Rule Really a Thing?

Out final article on our link roundup ends on a lighter note. Many of us remember a sibling or school buddy teaching us the 5 Second Rule. Drop that Pop-Tart on the floor? No problem, just pick it up right away and off to the school bus you go! A study by Ashton University in the UK proves the five second rule is real. The study suggests that “time is a significant factor” in the transfer of bacteria. One interesting note is that carpet is less likely to transfer to food that is dropped and consumed in a short period of time As Professor Anthony Hilton states: “We have found evidence that transfer from indoor flooring surfaces is incredibly poor with carpet actually posing the lowest risk of bacterial transfer onto dropped food.” So go ahead and pickup that popcorn or pretzel you drop during your next Netflix binge, just do it quickly.

For couples who have tried to work out their relationship, but have decided that a divorce is the best way to proceed, they will find that there are several pieces of evidence that can be used against them once they go to court. Did you know that text messages are considered admissible evidence? This means that if one party loses his or her temper and texts the other party, the text messages may be used as evidence in court. In many cases, especially when children are involved, text messages can affect the final decision made by the Judge regarding time-sharing (custody), alimony, distribution of assets and debts, etc.

When you are going through a divorce, you must be aware of what you put in a text or email, as well as what you say to the other party in person or over the telephone. For this reason, we have a few tips to help you in making sure you do not put something in a text that can be used against you later in court. These tips also apply after you are divorced. The main goal of these tips is to keep you from impulsively saying something to your ex or soon to be ex that can come back and hurt you later.

4 Tips to Text your Soon to be Ex-Spouse

1. Always take the time to think about what you are texting, never send a text while you are feeling angry, hurt or frustrated. If this means stepping away from your phone for an hour or two to get your emotions under control, then do so.
2. If your ex is texting you rude, hateful, or nasty comments, be sure to keep the texts saved in your phone, and do not respond in a rude, hateful or nasty way. Do not engage in a back and forth argument via text message!
3. It is best to limit your texts with your ex to information about children, dates that need to be remembered and the like. There are some couples who text freely, but in these cases, the divorce is most often amicable and there are no emotional issues.
4. It is not only your texts to your ex that can be used against you in court, but any text that you send to anyone. Thus, avoid texting anything about your soon to be ex to anyone and basically keep the subject off limits.

Controlling your Emotions

Many lawyers recommend that clients simply stop texting the other party entirely and even that they stop posting to social media in general. If you are going to text, or put things out there on social media, make sure you are not saying anything that you would not want the Judge to see in court. Keeping your emotions under control is a must. While one of the above tips was to walk away and stop texting if you feel that your anger and emotions are getting out of hand, we have a few more in-depth tips that can help.

1. Try breathing exercises. Slowly count to 10 and be sure that you are taking deep breaths to help calm yourself while you are counting.
2. Take a moment to listen to a song that soothes you. You will be amazed at how well soothing music can calm emotions.
3. Take a walk and leave your phone at home. Physical exercise has been shown to be great when it comes to helping to release anger in a normal and healthy manner.
4. Go to your ‘happy place’ when you start to feel angry. This may mean sitting in your living room and imagining yourself sitting on the beach or even floating in the pool. Either way, allow this happy place to make you feel less angry.

For those who are going through a divorce, we want you to realize that your texts could become one of the main ways your soon to be ex gains the upper hand. Here at Norman Law, we advise our clients against texting their exes, unless they are positive that they can keep their calm. Divorce is not something to take lightly, but if it is unavoidable, then be sure you are taking actions to ensure you are getting a fair divorce.

Once your divorce is final, you are no longer part of a couple and are now a single parent. This will bring about a lot of changes in your life, and you are going to notice some of these changes dramatically when you take your child or children on your first vacation as a single parent. It can be overwhelming when taking your first vacation as a single parent, but it is very doable and also allows you to have more one-on-one time with your children. The key to having a great vacation is to be organized and you will be able to relax and make it a great family vacation for all of you.

Get the Kids Involved With Vacation Plans

One of the main things that can make a vacation harder after a divorce is that it is painfully obvious to the children that they no longer have their parents together. This can make kids act out which in turn can make a vacation seem more like a nightmare. So what can you do? Involve the kids in the vacation as much as possible. You want them to feel as though they are an important part of the vacation, and this can help them cope better with the fact that their parents are no longer together.

Here are some ideas to help kids get involved with vacation plans:

• Let the kids help with navigation, whether this means letting one child be in charge of the navigator or letting one child look at the map
• Plan the route that you are taking together so that the kids feel like this is more than just a vacation that you have planned for them
• Allow the kids to help decide where you are stopping to eat, which will help them remember this vacation as one in which they played a big part
• Listen to the ideas the kids have about where they want to go and what they want to do. If they feel as though this is their vacation as well as yours, they are going to be happier in the long run

Acknowledge you are a Single Parent

It is not good to go into this vacation without acknowledging that you are a single parent now, so things are going to change. This is a new experience for you and for your children. While you are getting the kids involved to help them feel more comfortable with your vacation, also take the time to realize that the vacation is going to be different for you as well. Here are some ideas to keep in mind:

• You are going to be handling all the adult decisions from this point forward
• Make your vacation something that is not high stress, as you have enough stress to deal with as it is
• Reach out to other single parents for some advice and help if you feel as though this situation is getting out of hand

Getting a divorce and then parenting your children on your own is an adjustment. However, it is one which you can get through easier by involving the kids. It will take time, but in the end you will find that being single and happy with your children is much better for all of you than struggling and being unhappy in a marriage that is not working.

A divorce does not mean you are never going to see your ex again or will never be at the same events as your ex. In most cases, you will find that your ex and you run have the same circle of friends, have many interests and hobbies in common, and may have children together, too, so it is common to be at the events together. This can be difficult. Many ex-spouses are not sure how to handle being with their ex in a small, emotional ceremony such as a graduation or wedding. Should you avoid your ex? Should you talk to him or her? How much should you talk? Should you sit together? It is very common to feel a bit anxious and nervous about how to act in these situations.

4 Do’s for Attending an Event with your Ex

There are several things you should do in order to ensure that things go smoothly and as comfortably for all involved as possible. For example:

1. Have some light conversation topics and ideas that you can discuss with your ex to avoid any awkward silences or more emotional topics.
2. Be ready for questions about your divorce from other guests at the event who may not be aware of the separation or divorce.
3. If you are going to an event for a son or daughter, it is best if you sit together as a show of unified support for your child.
4. Engage in conversation with others so that you are not forced to talk with your ex if you are uncomfortable with this.

4 Don’ts for Attending an Event with your Ex

There are several things you should avoid doing at an event your ex is also attending. For example:

1. Do not drink too much while at these celebrations as you do not want to do something that you are going to regret. Wedding receptions often include alcohol as part of the celebration process. A drink or two at the party might help relieve some tension, but more could lead to unwanted emotions and outbursts.
2. Never start an argument with the ex. This means you must avoid any discussions you know are likely to upset or anger him or her. Keep things light and focus on the event and the celebration of the happy occasion.
3. Avoid being on your phone. This might seem counter-intuitive, but the temptation to remove yourself ‘mentally’ from the event might lead to feelings of alienation and trigger an argument.
4. Do not be surprised if your ex has someone special with them at the event, such as a new boyfriend/girlfriend. It is important to prepare yourself for this in advance so you do not react emotionally or cause a scene.

No matter how hard you try to avoid your ex, it is very likely that you will find yourself at the same events in the future, particularly if you have a child or children together. It is important that you keep your cool and do your part to make the event go as smoothly as possible. You do not want to take the spotlight away from the wedding or graduation being celebrated due to arguments, conflicts and anger towards an ex.

Within the state of Florida, there is a term called Equitable Distribution that is used in divorce proceedings. In short, Equitable Distribution means that possessions/assets and debts which came about during the marriage are divided as equally as possible between the parties getting a divorce. This can make it easier in one sense for a divorce; however, there are also problems that can arise.

In most cases, those who are going through a divorce are going to work with their lawyers in order to determine who gets what (distribution of assets and debts). In cases in which both parties want the same asset/assets or don’t want certain debt, it can come down to the judge making the decision as to who gets what.

Proven Adultery Can Impact Equitable Distribution

With this being said, many people wonder if infidelity can affect the equitable distribution of the marital assets and debts. Florida is considered a “no fault” divorce state. This means that people can get a divorce without proving why a divorce is needed or whose fault it is. In most cases, the person who wants the divorce simply states that the marriage is ‘irretrievably broken” and the divorce proceedings can continue. With this in place, and the equitable distribution rule, most parties believe that the marital assets and debts will be equally divided, no matter what. However, that is not always the case.

When one spouse does commit adultery, and it can be proven, it can affect the equitable distribution. When the adulterer in the relationship is using his or her money in order to buy their new boyfriend or girlfriend gifts, go on trips and the like, then this can be taken into consideration when dividing the assets and debts.

In some cases, if the financial actions of the cheating spouse affect the wife or husband, or children involved, then the court can give the adulterer less property and other assets, or make him or her responsible for more debt. The idea is that the adulterer has misused what should be marital funds and he or she should not be treated the same in the equitable distribution of the assets and debts because of his or her actions.

Alimony and Equitable Distribution

In addition, this type of situation can also affect whether one party receives alimony from the other or not even though Florida is a no-fault state. In most divorces, the equitable distribution goes through without a hitch, but it is important to note that in cases where adultery has affected the marital finances, it can become an issue during the divorce proceedings.

For those who are thinking about divorce and are concerned with Equitable Distribution, please contact us. Here at Norman Law, we are here for you and want to help you in any way we can with your divorce!

When parents are sharing custody of their child, it can make the holidays feel even more hectic. Timesharing during the holidays can be very stressful, and not just for the parents – often the stress and tension the parents feel is transferred to the children. This is why it is important to remember that the holidays should be about the children. Parents should do whatever is necessary to ensure that their children are not feeling the stress that has come from the parents no longer being together.
With this being said, there are several things you can do to ensure that everyone has a good holiday:
Make sure you have an agreed-upon schedule in place before the holidays. In most cases, the Court will have a recommended schedule for you to follow. Both parents should be following the schedule from the Court or agree on one together so that the children get just as much time with both parents and their families as possible.

Have you considered celebrating together? This is something many parents are able to do if their divorce was one in which feelings weren’t hurt, or when enough time has passed to allow both parents to heal. This can make the holidays much better for the children.

Don’t Force Your Kids Choose

Never make the children choose who they want to spend with during the holidays. It is not fair to them to make them choose, and it can cause bad feelings for everyone. Instead, work together to make sure the children get to see both parents equally.

Communication is Key to Scheduling the Holidays

Always check with each other to ensure that your plans with your family do not conflict with their plans. This can be a huge issue during the holidays. Communication between parents is the key.
As a parent, you need to realize that timesharing during the holidays is going to require both parents to compromise. You need to be flexible and realize that neither of you are going to get 100% of the time with the children.

When your kids are with the other parent, instead of feeling depressed and lonely, focus instead on your family and support system. Also, the holidays are stressful and it is important to have a little ‘me time’ whenever you can.

Consider New Traditions to Minimize Stress

Timesharing during the holidays can be complicated and stressful. It is important to understand that some of the traditions you enjoyed before the divorce may not be possible any more. However, you now get to create new traditions with your children and family that you will have for many years to come.

If you have questions related to Child Custody and Timesharing, Contact Jacksonville divorce attorney Wendy Norman at 904.306.9926.