Texting your Ex During a Divorce: Tips to Follow

For couples who have tried to work out their relationship, but have decided that a divorce is the best way to proceed, they will find that there are several pieces of evidence that can be used against them once they go to court. Did you know that text messages are considered admissible evidence? This means that if one party loses his or her temper and texts the other party, the text messages may be used as evidence in court. In many cases, especially when children are involved, text messages can affect the final decision made by the Judge regarding time-sharing (custody), alimony, distribution of assets and debts, etc.

When you are going through a divorce, you must be aware of what you put in a text or email, as well as what you say to the other party in person or over the telephone. For this reason, we have a few tips to help you in making sure you do not put something in a text that can be used against you later in court. These tips also apply after you are divorced. The main goal of these tips is to keep you from impulsively saying something to your ex or soon to be ex that can come back and hurt you later.

4 Tips to Text your Soon to be Ex-Spouse

1. Always take the time to think about what you are texting, never send a text while you are feeling angry, hurt or frustrated. If this means stepping away from your phone for an hour or two to get your emotions under control, then do so.
2. If your ex is texting you rude, hateful, or nasty comments, be sure to keep the texts saved in your phone, and do not respond in a rude, hateful or nasty way. Do not engage in a back and forth argument via text message!
3. It is best to limit your texts with your ex to information about children, dates that need to be remembered and the like. There are some couples who text freely, but in these cases, the divorce is most often amicable and there are no emotional issues.
4. It is not only your texts to your ex that can be used against you in court, but any text that you send to anyone. Thus, avoid texting anything about your soon to be ex to anyone and basically keep the subject off limits.

Controlling your Emotions

Many lawyers recommend that clients simply stop texting the other party entirely and even that they stop posting to social media in general. If you are going to text, or put things out there on social media, make sure you are not saying anything that you would not want the Judge to see in court. Keeping your emotions under control is a must. While one of the above tips was to walk away and stop texting if you feel that your anger and emotions are getting out of hand, we have a few more in-depth tips that can help.

1. Try breathing exercises. Slowly count to 10 and be sure that you are taking deep breaths to help calm yourself while you are counting.
2. Take a moment to listen to a song that soothes you. You will be amazed at how well soothing music can calm emotions.
3. Take a walk and leave your phone at home. Physical exercise has been shown to be great when it comes to helping to release anger in a normal and healthy manner.
4. Go to your ‘happy place’ when you start to feel angry. This may mean sitting in your living room and imagining yourself sitting on the beach or even floating in the pool. Either way, allow this happy place to make you feel less angry.

For those who are going through a divorce, we want you to realize that your texts could become one of the main ways your soon to be ex gains the upper hand. Here at Norman Law, we advise our clients against texting their exes, unless they are positive that they can keep their calm. Divorce is not something to take lightly, but if it is unavoidable, then be sure you are taking actions to ensure you are getting a fair divorce.