A Compassionate Guide to Manage Social Media During Separation
Going through a separation is one of life’s most challenging transitions. During this vulnerable time, you might find yourself reaching for your phone, wanting to share your feelings, seek support from friends, or simply distract yourself by scrolling through your feeds. I understand that impulse completely. Social media has become such an integral part of how we connect with our community and process our emotions.
However, as a divorce and mediation attorney who has worked with countless families in Jacksonville, I want to share some gentle but important guidance about social media use during your separation. What you post online today can significantly impact your divorce proceedings, custody arrangements, and ultimately, your fresh start tomorrow.
Why Social Media Matters in Divorce Cases
In today’s digital world, social media posts have become valuable evidence in divorce and custody proceedings. Attorneys routinely review Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and other platforms when building cases. That photo you posted, that check-in at a restaurant, or that seemingly innocent comment can be screenshot, saved, and potentially used in court.
I share this not to frighten you, but to help you protect yourself during an already difficult time. Knowledge is power, and understanding how social media can affect your case allows you to make informed decisions.
The Do’s: Healthy Social Media Habits During Separation
Do Take a Break (If Possible)
The healthiest option, if you can manage it, is to take a complete break from social media during your separation. I know this feels impossible in our connected world, but consider it a form of self-care. Stepping away from social media can give you space to heal, reduce stress, and eliminate the temptation to post something you might regret.
Even a temporary break of a few weeks or months can make a tremendous difference in your emotional wellbeing and legal position.
Do Adjust Your Privacy Settings
If stepping away completely isn’t realistic for you, immediately review and strengthen your privacy settings on all platforms. Make your accounts private, limit who can see your posts, and be selective about who you accept as friends or followers during this time.
However, please remember that privacy settings aren’t foolproof. Screenshots can be taken and shared. Mutual friends may have access to your content. Think of privacy settings as a helpful layer of protection, not an impenetrable shield.
Do Think Before You Post
Before sharing anything online, pause and ask yourself these questions:
- Would I be comfortable with my spouse’s attorney seeing this?
- Could this be misinterpreted or taken out of context?
- Would I want a judge to see this when making decisions about my children or finances?
- Am I posting this from a place of hurt, anger, or revenge?
If you hesitate on any of these questions, it’s best not to post.
Do Keep Communication About Your Children Positive
If you do post about your children, keep it positive, general, and infrequent. Celebrate their achievements if you must share, but avoid posting details about custody schedules, your co-parenting challenges, or anything that could be construed as disparaging the other parent.
Your children deserve privacy during this transition, and judges look favorably on parents who protect their children’s dignity and emotional wellbeing.
Do Document Concerning Posts by Your Spouse
If your spouse posts something concerning, threatening, or relevant to your case (such as evidence of hidden assets, substance use, or inappropriate behavior), take screenshots with dates and timestamps visible. Share these with your attorney, but don’t engage with the posts publicly or respond in kind.
Do Talk to Your Attorney First
Before making any significant social media decisions, including whether to change your relationship status or remove photos, consult with your attorney. Sometimes these actions can be misinterpreted or create legal complications you didn’t anticipate.
The Don’ts: What to Avoid on Social Media
Don’t Post About Your Case
This is perhaps the most important guideline: resist the urge to discuss your divorce, your spouse, the legal proceedings, or your feelings about the separation on social media. What feels like venting to supportive friends can appear very differently in a courtroom.
Complaints about your spouse, the legal process, attorneys, or the court system can damage your credibility and create the impression that you’re difficult, unstable, or vindictive.
Don’t Badmouth Your Spouse
No matter how hurt or angry you feel, do not post negative comments, accusations, or complaints about your spouse on social media. This includes indirect posts like “Some people just never change” or sharing memes about bad partners.
These posts can be used to argue that you’re hostile, that you’re attempting to alienate your children from the other parent, or that you’re not interested in peaceful co-parenting. In custody matters especially, judges want to see that you can communicate respectfully with your child’s other parent.
Don’t Share Details About New Relationships
If you’ve started dating someone new, keep that relationship entirely off social media until your divorce is finalized. Photos with a new partner, romantic check-ins, or relationship status changes can complicate property division, affect alimony considerations, and impact custody decisions.
Even if you’ve been separated for a while, the appearance of a new relationship can trigger strong emotional reactions that make settlement negotiations more difficult.
Don’t Post Photos or Updates That Contradict Your Legal Claims
Be mindful of how your posts might appear in the context of your legal case. If you’ve claimed financial hardship, vacation photos and expensive purchases create credibility problems. If you’re seeking custody based on being the more available parent, photos of frequent nights out may contradict that position.
This doesn’t mean you need to stop living your life, but it does mean you should keep those moments private rather than broadcasting them online.
Don’t Delete Everything
While it might be tempting to delete old posts, photos, or even entire accounts, don’t do this without consulting your attorney first. Deleting social media content after separation or during divorce proceedings can be considered destruction of evidence (called “spoliation”), which can result in serious legal consequences.
Courts can impose sanctions, and opposing counsel can argue that you deleted posts because they contained damaging information. Even if the deleted content was completely innocent, the act of deletion itself looks suspicious.
Don’t Forget About All Your Accounts
When I talk about social media, I mean all of it. Don’t forget about LinkedIn, dating apps, Venmo (which can show spending patterns and social connections), private messaging apps, Discord servers, Reddit accounts, and any other platforms where you have a digital presence.
Your digital footprint is larger than you might realize, and thorough attorneys will look everywhere.
Don’t Assume Anything Is Truly Private
Even private messages, closed groups, or direct messages aren’t completely private. Screenshots happen. People share information. Account security can be breached. Private communications have a way of becoming public, especially during contentious divorces.
Operate under the assumption that anything you type could potentially be seen by others, including the court.
Special Considerations for Parents
If you have children, social media requires extra care and thoughtfulness. Here are some additional guidelines:
Protect your children’s privacy. This is a confusing, difficult time for them. They don’t need details of the divorce shared with your entire social network. Avoid posting about custody schedules, exchanges, or challenges you’re having with your co-parent.
Never involve your children in social media conflicts. Don’t ask them to pose for photos that make statements about the divorce, don’t share their opinions about the other parent, and don’t let them see you posting negatively about their other parent.
Be aware that your children (and their friends) may see your posts. Even if you think your accounts are private from your kids, assume they’ll eventually see what you post. Would you want them to read those words about their other parent? Would those posts help them feel secure and loved?
Model healthy digital citizenship. Your children are watching how you handle this difficult situation. Showing restraint, dignity, and respect online teaches them valuable lessons about conflict resolution and emotional regulation.
The Emotional Challenge of Social Media Silence
I understand that staying silent on social media when you’re hurting can feel incredibly isolating. Social media has become how many of us process emotions, celebrate victories, and seek comfort during hard times. Being told to step back from that support system feels unfair when you’re already dealing with so much.
If you’re struggling with this, here are some alternative ways to find support:
Reach out privately. Call or text trusted friends and family members directly. Face-to-face coffee dates or phone conversations can provide much deeper support than Facebook comments ever could.
Join a support group. Many communities, including Jacksonville, have divorce support groups where you can share your experiences in a confidential setting with people who truly understand what you’re going through.
Work with a therapist. A counselor can provide a safe, confidential space to process all the emotions you’re experiencing without any risk to your legal case.
Journal privately. Writing out your feelings can provide the same release as posting online, without any of the legal risks. Keep a private journal where you can be completely honest about your emotions.
A Note About Your Spouse’s Social Media Activity
You might be wondering whether you should monitor your spouse’s social media during your separation. While it’s natural to be curious, obsessively checking your spouse’s accounts isn’t healthy for your emotional wellbeing.
That said, if you happen to notice posts that are relevant to your case (such as evidence of hidden income, inappropriate behavior, or concerning statements), document them and share them with your attorney. Just don’t make surveillance your full-time job. It will only prolong your pain and make it harder to move forward.
Looking Toward Your Fresh Start
I know these guidelines might feel restrictive during a time when you’re already dealing with so many limitations and losses. But please trust me when I tell you that this temporary restraint is an investment in your future.
The separation period is temporary. Your divorce case will eventually conclude. But what you post online can have lasting consequences for your settlement, your custody arrangement, your professional reputation, and your relationships with your children.
By being thoughtful and careful with your social media presence now, you’re protecting your interests and setting yourself up for the best possible outcome. You’re also modeling grace under pressure, taking the high road, and showing your children how to handle difficult situations with dignity.
How I Can Help
As a divorce and mediation attorney serving Jacksonville families, I understand how overwhelming this process can be. Social media is just one of many areas where you need to be careful during your separation. I’m here to guide you through all aspects of your divorce with compassion, clarity, and practical advice tailored to your unique situation.
If you have questions about your specific circumstances, whether they involve social media, custody, property division, or any other aspect of your separation, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can create a strategy that protects your interests while helping you move toward a brighter future.
Remember, this difficult season is temporary. With the right guidance and support, you will get through this and emerge stronger on the other side.
Wendy Norman is a divorce and mediation attorney serving Jacksonville, Florida, and surrounding areas. She is committed to helping families navigate separation and divorce with compassion, dignity, and practical legal guidance.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, visit normanlawjax.com or contact our office directly.
Disclaimer: This blog post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Every divorce case is unique, and the information provided here may not apply to your specific situation. Please consult with a qualified attorney to discuss your individual circumstances.
