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4 Tips to Follow When Texting Your Ex During a Divorce

4 Tips on Texting with Your Ex During Divorce

Texting your Ex During a Divorce: Tips to Follow

For couples who have tried to work out their relationship, but have decided that a divorce is the best way to proceed, they will find that there are several pieces of evidence that can be used against them once they go to court. Did you know that text messages are considered admissible evidence? This means that if one party loses his or her temper and texts the other party, the text messages may be used as evidence in court. In many cases, especially when children are involved, text messages can affect the final decision made by the Judge regarding time-sharing (custody), alimony, distribution of assets and debts, etc.

When you are going through a divorce, you must be aware of what you put in a text or email, as well as what you say to the other party in person or over the telephone. For this reason, we have a few tips to help you in making sure you do not put something in a text that can be used against you later in court. These tips also apply after you are divorced. The main goal of these tips is to keep you from impulsively saying something to your ex or soon to be ex that can come back and hurt you later.

4 Tips to Text your Soon to be Ex-Spouse

  1. Always take the time to think about what you are texting, never send a text while you are feeling angry, hurt or frustrated. If this means stepping away from your phone for an hour or two to get your emotions under control, then do so.
  2. If your ex is texting you rude, hateful, or nasty comments, be sure to keep the texts saved in your phone, and do not respond in a rude, hateful or nasty way. Do not engage in a back and forth argument via text message!
  3. It is best to limit your texts with your ex to information about children, dates that need to be remembered and the like. There are some couples who text freely, but in these cases, the divorce is most often amicable and there are no emotional issues.
  4. It is not only your texts to your ex that can be used against you in court, but any text that you send to anyone. Thus, avoid texting anything about your soon to be ex to anyone and basically keep the subject off limits.

Controlling your Emotions

Many lawyers recommend that clients simply stop texting the other party entirely and even that they stop posting to social media in general. If you are going to text, or put things out there on social media, make sure you are not saying anything that you would not want the Judge to see in court. Keeping your emotions under control is a must. While one of the above tips was to walk away and stop texting if you feel that your anger and emotions are getting out of hand, we have a few more in-depth tips that can help.

  1. Try breathing exercises. Slowly count to 10 and be sure that you are taking deep breaths to help calm yourself while you are counting.
  2. Take a moment to listen to a song that soothes you. You will be amazed at how well soothing music can calm emotions.
  3. Take a walk and leave your phone at home. Physical exercise has been shown to be great when it comes to helping to release anger in a normal and healthy manner.
  4. Go to your ‘happy place’ when you start to feel angry. This may mean sitting in your living room and imagining yourself sitting on the beach or even floating in the pool. Either way, allow this happy place to make you feel less angry.

For those who are going through a divorce, we want you to realize that your texts could become one of the main ways your soon to be ex gains the upper hand. Here at Norman Law, we advise our clients against texting their exes, unless they are positive that they can keep their calm. Divorce is not something to take lightly, but if it is unavoidable, then be sure you are taking actions to ensure you are getting a fair divorce.

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Comments (14)

Newport Beach Family Law Attorney

Useful one. Thanks for sharing with us

You’re welcome. Thanks for visiting and enjoy that California weather for us!

my wife has threatened to expose our secrets if I seek visitation, keeping in mind there is very little proof if any other than we are completely toxic. Threats of PFA when I live across the country and there are no threats whatsoever. I have became afraid to visit my own son!

Thank you for contacting Norman Law. From your comments, it seems that you have some serious issues that are better discussed in a consultation than through our blog. Please contact us at 904-306-9926 to schedule your free consultation.
I look forward to talking to you soon.

what if my wife is threatening “ruin” of allegations without proof as well as infidelity if i try to get visitation of my son? Threatening that if I sell our car bc we need to buy two now that it’s mean to our son, who is 3, what is crossing the line b/c it’s keeping me from visiting my son and I am scared.

How can I legally get my boyfriend’s soon to be ex wife to stop texting him

Hi, Theresa. Thank you for contacting Norman Law. The law does not provide a way for you to stop your boyfriend’s soon to be ex-wife from texting him; however, he may block her number and/or consider seeking an injunction against her if her contact is so frequent it is stalking.

I am in the middle of a divorce and need to keep in contact with my wife because we have kids. I hired divorce attorney services and they recommended to limit texting my ex as much as possible. It is good to know that any text I send to anyone can be used in court.

I like your tip to be careful about sending texts to your ex when you are feeling angry or hurt. My brother is going through a divorce uncontested but he is still wary about texting his ex. I will make sure to pass this tip along to him.

I appreciate your tips on how to text and ex-spouse. I like how you said that you need to always controls your emotions. My sister is thinking of getting a divorce. She will be interested to know more about how she can make the process better.

Thank you for contacting Norman Law. I would be happy to discuss matters with your sister. Please let her know she may call us at 904.306.9926 to schedule a free consultation.

Ah, thank you for mentioning that any texts you send can be used against you in court. My friend’s wife recently asked for a divorce. Hopefully, they can find a lawyer to help them settle this amicably.

Thank you for the feedback and we hope your friends can settle things amicably as well.

My cousin has been thinking about getting a divorce from his wife because she is really insensitive, and never listens to him. He would really like to get some help from a professional, so that it can be more civil. Thanks for your tips about how he shouldn’t text when he is feeling frustrated, angry, or frustrated because he will be won’t be hateful, nasty, or rude when texting her back.

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